Monday, December 1, 2008

Some Fun With Ben Watson Jokes

First, something I need to get off my chest:

When I was sitting down to do my post last night there were two things I really wanted to put out there about the Pats game.

1) That all the nitwits who were saying "trade Brady, let's ride Cassell!" finally have been silenced moving forward. (of course everybody and their mom wrote that too, namely Ben and's Eric Wilbur...Ben in a much better way in my opinion thanks to his throwing a cockpunch into the mix)

2) That yesterday's Pats game was a stone-cold reminder of the 2005 Divisional Playoff game in Denver where they blew chance after chance to take control of the game in the first half and then self-destructed in the second. This one was a little less obvious, but's Chad Finn beat to the punch there. Oh well. I thought that too, and I could have been first out of the gate with it. I promise that is the truth.

And now for the main reason of my little post tonight.

I want to bring everybody up to speed on my favorite running joke that I like to submit towards my least favorite Patriots player, Ben Watson.

This joke had it's genesis two years ago when the Patriots played another slop-filled game over Thanksgiving weekend at home. That time it was against the Bears as you may recall. What else you may recall from this game would be Ben Watson having approximately 15 drops and 8 fumbles, a modern day record for a 4 quarter game. OK, those numbers are blatantly false and while I would normally look up his real stats from the game, I am going to pass this time because I refuse to give Mr. Watson the benefit of the doubt.

We've all seen A Few Good Men. One of the crucial early - pre Nicholson - courtroom scenes in that movie has Noah Wyle's character Cpl. Jeffrey Barnes testifying that a Code Red was ordered against him after his service rifle slipped out of his hands during formation. He said they pounded him good and blah, blah, blah but he never dropped his service rifle again.

Does this sound familiar? Of course it does! Don't you think Ben Watson needs a Code Red? Of course he does! Nobody needs one more than him. During that aforementioned Bears game, I texted my roommate Matt after I believe his 4th unforced fumble and wrote, "somebody needs to give Ben Watson a Code Red". After that a legend was born. The joke still holds up because Ben Watson sucks so much and it still provides humor because it is so damn true.

So what is the next step of this movement? I say it is making custom Patriot t-shirt jerseys with Watson's number 84 on the back and putting for the name "PFC Santiago" in honor of the famous murdered via Code Red marine in the movie, PFC William Santiago. Can we get some traction here? Doesn't Watson deserve this? I say we get this going because even if the jersey does not catch on, the Code Red joke should spread. It's just too much fun. Plus you can even send texts when other people catch Ben Watson Disease like Randy Moss yesterday along the lines of, "Get Hal Dawson in here, Randy needs the Watson treatment!". I'm babbling now.

One more Ben Watson thought....

This sounded a lot better before the Celtics season started because Tony Allen has been SO much improved this year, but I still think you will get the idea.

Ben Watson is the Tony Allen of football players. Why? Because he looks like a football player, he is as athletic as any player in the NFL, and all of his combine skills like running, jumping, and lifting are off the charts. So where is the disconnect? The disconnect is the fact that he does not have any discernible FOOTBALL skills. You know, just like before this year Tony Allen's only real skills on the basketball court involved dunking and turning the ball over. Allen has seemingly come around now though but Watson I have no hope for. The only thing Watson is really playing for at this point is to try and shed the dubious moniker of "Neil Williams' all time least favorite Patriot". That is big time.

And now for fun, a few of my other "Least Favorite" athletes from Boston teams. The qualifications are simple; they have to be or have been guys that are/were supposed to be good but sucked or infuriated for whatever reason.

A sampling...

Sam Cassell - check the archives and read ANYTHING I wrote during the playoffs last year...he took 10 years off my life easily

Tony Allen - he has turned the corner as I said, but before this year...yikes

Cliff Floyd - sure he was only on the Sox for two months but he F&&&ing SUCKED! The master of the bases empty single and the reason why I fear a potential Mark Teixera Era.

Ben Watson - see above

Marion Butts - master of the two yard run!

Scott "Missin'" Sisson - remember him?

Ugie Urbina - what an erratic closer, even before he killed his entire gardening staff

OK enough!

No comments: