A Pre-emptive Warning To The Red Sox

I would describe myself as full of girth and good nature. I might also describe myself as a portly fellow, or as Jonny Patience refers to me, Tons of Fun. But let's be real for a moment if we can: I am a fat guy. Hell, my mom used to take me shopping in the "husky" section of Sears. For all you skinny assholes out there (Franco) husky is just a nice word for fat kid. Now, I don't beat myself up. I have good self esteem, and enjoy wearing a Hawaiian shirt, so for the most part things are fine. However, as a sports fan, us "large and in charge" guys are left with little in the way of shirts or jersey's to wear. I have never been able to purchase a t-shirt at Fenway park or the Boston Garden. Occasionally I can find something online, or at the fat guy clothing store, but for the most part, there is not a whole lot out there for us. This does not apply to the NFL or the Patriots. Some genius realized that in a league full of giants, they should provide clothing big enough for everybody. So I have my 4XL custom Patriots jersey, and up until a few days ago I was content with that.

Then the Red Sox signed Bartolo Colon. Now we all know how I feel about the signing, and there have been some jokes made about the whole weight thing and thats fine. But the the other day Colon went out and had one hell of a bullpen session all while he is on the wrong side of 300 pounds. So, there stands a pretty good chance that he will be doing time in the majors with the Sox, the team that cannot be bothered to make anything bigger than 2XL....

So now, whoever makes the jerseys for the Sox is working tirelessly to make enough 3 or 4XL jerseys just so Bartolo has something to wear on the field. All I am saying is that if you are going to make them for him, then you better damn well make a couple for us fans. I get it, before there was no reason to make anything that big in your clubhouse, but now you have to make shirts, jersey's, fleeces, jackets ect all for Colon. Just fun some of them across the street to the proshop and I will take care of the rest.

So here it is Red Sox: You now have a bonafide "hungry man" on your roster. You can no longer ignore the clothing needs of your more jovial and yes, more round, fans. So fire up the extra wide screen press and start pumping out the goods. I am warning you now, if you do not, the fat guys of Red Sox nation will unite under a common goal and we will boycott Remdawgs, spelling disaster for him and the food line item in your budget...You have 48 hours...