Sunday, April 27, 2008

Back in Action

So I have been missing for a while. The reason is that I have been on a vision quest of sorts. See, a few weeks ago I had the pleasure of attending the first Yankees game at Fenway. Now, I had a great time, and I would argue that I had a better time than all three of my friends combined. Let's just say that the people that were lucky enough to be sitting near me...LOVED me. But here's the thing; it was my first game at Fenway since my self imposed boycott of all things Red Sox that lasted the entire 07 season. I watched the games of course, but I refrained from giving the organization any of my money for anything. I was driven to do so by rising ticket prices, the cost of a hat, the price of beer and Red Sox Nation. Sadly, after a year away, I see that things have only gotten worse.

Here is the deal. I hate Red Sox nation. It sucks. It's members (including one of the writers on this site) are mindless monkeys following whatever their "President" tells them to do. The simple fact that bonafide members of the nation have actually paid to get a membership card. Let me say this plain: The current owners have managed to make people believe that they are bigger or better fans because they have paid annual dues to get a card the shows people just how much they love the sox. So let me get this straight, these trilobytes think that they are bigger fans than those from the 70's or 80's or 90's because those people were not members of the nation. Now, until that fateful game, I did not wish members of the nation harm, I just knew that I was better than them on many levels. However, after listening to the so called citizens of Red Sox nation around me, I sort of hope that something bad happens to them. I could go on and on about this topic, but instead I will simply give the members of the nation a reality check:

1. The Yankees do not suck. They are a world class club composed of some great ball players who have accomplished far more than the Red Sox. While they are the Red Sox rivals, they do not suck.

2. Simply being Red Sox fan does not mean that you have to hate anyone who is a Yankees fan. Believe it or not, people are born in and around the giant state of New York that love to root for their hometown team, the Yankees, just like you morons root for the Red Sox.

3. If you are a Red Sox fan and are at Fenway when the Yankees are in town, do not be surprised to find out that their are Yankees fans there. I know it is hard to believe, but not everyone who lives in or around Boston was born here.

4. Since we have established that there are, in fact, people who root for the Yankees and they may from time to time be in Boston, and even (GASP!!!) at Fenway park, let us talk about proper conduct for a bit. Now, anyone who enters another teams park wearing the gear of the opponent expects to take a little verbal abuse, but members of Red Sox nation should be ashamed of themselves. There was a guy in front of us wearing a Yankees hat. He was at the game with his girlfriend and her little sister. He was not taunting anyone, and was not even standing up and cheering as the Yankees kicked the hell from us. He was simply out at a game with his girlfriend. These four college frat boys behind us were shocked and insulted that he would wear a Yankees hat at "their" park. Here are a few exchanges between the Yankees fan and the fucking jagoffs behind us.

Nation member: Hey Faggot!!! What the fuck are you doing here?
Yankees fan waves and smiles
Ben: How do you know he is gay?
Nation Member: Anyone wearing a Yankees hat is a faggot!
Ben: He is clearly here with his girlfriend.
Nation member: He is still a faggot. Are you a Yankees fan?
Ben: No, I am simply talking to you because I think it is so cool that the Red Sox let retards buy tickets and sit all by themselves.

Exchange #2

Nation member: How can you date that faggot?
Girlfriend: Come on guys, leave him alone. He is from NY.
Nation member: Well tell him to watch his back, because we will kick the shit out of you guys.
Ben: Are you fucking serious?
Nation member: We can definetely beat up one faggot and his two bitches.
Ben: ....

5. Being a member of Red Sox nation does not mean you get to yell insulting shit at the players of the Yankees. Again, I love sitting near the opponents bullpen and giving them a hard time. But, these assholes behind me were yelling things about Joba's sick father, his mother, and just about anything else they could think up. They were completely shocked when security threatened to throw them out. I mean SHOCKED. They truly believed that it was the Red Sox Nation Constitution that they could yell anything they wanted at Yankees.

6. You can hate a member of the Red Sox and still be a fan. In fact, I will quote the great 21st century philosopher Joel Kalinowsky: "They're all bums." I have not tried to hide the fact that I hate Julio Lugo and his ass face, and will pay to get him off of the Red Sox. Now, admittedly I was a bit in the bag when trying to explain this to the woman in front of me, but she could not comprehend the theory that you can hate a player and still be a fan of the team. When I stated that they should bench Papi because he wasn't hitting, she just about died. It was at this point that she told a member of my party that he should not hang around with me anymore, and you know what...she was right about that.

7. Finally, Remy is a goon. Deal with it.

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