Thursday, January 10, 2008

The First Post (for Neil)

What's up all. Thanks for logging on. Of course I think I am only the second official visitor to the site, but whatever Rome wasn't built in a day and it's not like Keanu Reeves started as Neo Anderson. Nah, first he had to kick ass as the rebel boyfriend in Parenthood and then upgrade to Special Agent Johnny Utah in...come on, if you don't know what movie that is referencing then it is time for you to have some serious alone time and reevaluate things.

OK, I know what you are saying now, "dude, this is supposed to be a sports blog, WTF (see, I can use IM/blogger talk too and still be awesome", or if not that "wow, what a Fag this guy is for using the word 'dude' in a blog post". Well whatever, I did it. It is at least partially my blog and being the only guy here who has actually had a full on Web site in the past, I'm going to go ahead and make some executive decisions.

Enough of the foreplay though, let's get to the anal. Skip the KY, I'm using sandpaper and lime juice.

Here are some things that I want to get on the record now:

I am feeling something like 24-10 for the Pats on Sunday with 7 of those 24 coming from a pick returned to the house by Asante. Why? Because he is Asante Samuel and that is what he does in the playoffs. No joke, look it up.

Is the above saying that I think the Pats will only generate 17 points offensively on Saturday? Yes, it is. I think they are in control for most of the game though and Belichek slows things down a bit by the mid-third quarter in hopes of resting his defense for a potential slugfest with Indy the following week. Then, Brady reverts back to his old ways and throws one of his patent second half interceptions which gives the opponent just a sniff of life before the Pats D suffocates them, kicks them in the nuts, and then post pictures taken of their wives, shitfaced at SEC frat parties on MySpace.

It is completely sacrelig to criticize KG in any way, shape, or form, but I will say that I would love to see him play on the blocks more. Admittedly I have not seen a ton of C's games, living out of market, but from what I have seen, he seems on the offensive end to be happy taking mid-range J's. Yes, he does hit them more than he misses, but call me crazy, but I prefer my seven footers to make at least token offensive appearances in the paint. The one game that I have seen where he actually took it upon himself to play down low was the game in LA when the Lakers wore those short-shorts that made me hard and question my sexuality and not coincidentally the C's absolutely dominated the game. Add to the fact that he rendered Andrew Bynum basically useless because he was on the bench for most of the game in foul trouble and I think you see why I wish KG played down low more.

Beyond that, complaining about a 29-4 basketball team would kind of be like dating Kim Kardashean and then getting frustrated with her for not acting like enough of a whore. "What's that honey, you've only made ONE sex tape for public consumption with an unknown rapper? Come on Kim, you're better than that. Now go show those guys who made that 'Party Like a Rockstar' song some love. And don't forget to call the NY Post and TMZ after the fact. Love you."

This movie is awesome. Here is why:

1) It stars Keanu Reeves, Gary Busey, and Patrick Swayze.

2) A renegade surfer's name is "Warchild" and he says the line, "Bodhi lives to get radical".

3) A teenage kid at a surf shop says, "Surfing is the source". Come on now! You serious? Really?

4) The scene where Angelo Pappas (Busey) meets Utah (Reeves) for the first time. If that is not comedy then I don't know what is. When Utah says in full Keanu mode, "...The shit they pull" to the back of a blindfolded Pappas it kills me every time.

5) This movie prompted my friend from college, Jay Scott to say RE: Lori Petty's character in this movie, "...that was back when the short-haired, pale-skinned, boyish look was considered hot". Not only is that quote great, it's true! It came out in 1991 though which means that if it was released just one year later, it could have been worse and Lori Petty could have been grunge chick that wore flannel, did heroin, and whose hobbies included analyzing Nirvana lyrics and moping.

6) There are plenty more that I could list, but that should get you well on your way.

Because it's tough to follow up on Point Break and George Costanza tought me to always leave on a high note, I am signing off.

No comments: